3. Too much or too little "I"?

The morning sickness has kicked in, and it's definitely not just some myth about the first months of pregnancy. I can't even smell my morning coffee. At times, even after the first sip of water, I find myself rushing to the bathroom. Riding in a car feels like an impossible mission most of the time, and certain foods I used to enjoy can't even be in the same room with me without triggering nausea. As for my appetite, it seems like I could and should eat anything I can get my hands on. After all, I'm eating for two now, right? However, I quickly realized that there was no need to go overboard. Simply eating healthily and ensuring my body gets all the necessary nutrients is enough, and those 200 grams of chocolate from last night were definitely not entirely necessary. I had to come to this realization after a few weeks of binge eating, as it wasn't exactly covered in that non-existent pregnancy manual.

Indeed, the internet was certainly helpful. I read anything and everything – medical texts, other people's experiences... But the more I read, the more confused I got. Eat this, avoid that, exercise as much as you can, get as much rest as you can, keep your feet up, make sure you get your circulation flowing.... Ugh, the internet can be a confusing place for a mom-to-be.

These were perhaps the first moments when I realized that, in addition to carrying a child inside me, I am still an individual who needs to take care of oneself. Indeed, I grapple with morning nausea, I can't eat everything I want, I'm afraid to ride the bike like before (as per Dr. Internet's advice). It's me who must deal with my desires and needs and adapt them to the new situation, no matter how beautiful, wonderful, desirable it may be. It was during these moments that I decided to continue writing this pregnancy diary, because, perhaps, if I shared these thoughts with someone, they might not fully comprehend. Using too many "Is" in a sentence may not sound ideal, but the "I" is important. The "you" is important as well.

In response to my husband's increasingly frequent and appreciated questions of "how are you," I typically respond with, "I'm doing well, everything is fine.” I do this because I refuse to become that expectant mother who, instead of enjoying her pregnancy, constantly complains.

But I want to see that I am not alone; I want to realize that pregnancy is wonderful, but also that dealing with morning sickness can be challenging; that I am not the only one in the world grappling with uncertainty about what I should do; I need deeper understanding of how I’m doing so that I can better care for myself, and I also want to know how you are doing.

Yours,

Nina